in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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