i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
