Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
