sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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