Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
how drunk are you?
Several
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
