guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
