R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
