What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
