I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
