if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
