I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The air was thick with penises
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
