im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
