i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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