so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
