You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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