Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
