My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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