It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
