just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
