just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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