There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize