I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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