Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
