So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
