Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
