You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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