Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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