And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
