God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
