My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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