I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
