Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
