wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
