im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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