Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
