I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
