do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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