the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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