the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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