apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he's gonorrhea incarnate
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
