Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
