Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
