My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
