Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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