just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
