Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
