Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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