mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
