The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We smell like vodka and hangover
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