I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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