giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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