I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
