Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
