I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
