I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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