Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
