She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
