I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
