he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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