actually, I'm a sock model
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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