i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
