suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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