I seem to have left my pride at pride
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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