on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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