so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's blow job season.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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