Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
