We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize