I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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