If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
