Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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