That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
