If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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