I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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