video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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