Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize