two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
