it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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