You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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