I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
