It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
