hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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