im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize