Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
