There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't turn off my feet"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
