Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the day after is always just damage control
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
