The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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