Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
