Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
