Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
