Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
