Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
