OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
