Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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