im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
