I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
