she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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