My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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