I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
