Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
