I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
